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Stop fussing at women who are just trying to be good mamas.

Stop Fussing at Women Who Are Just Trying To Be Good Mamas

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Y’all. I’m so tired of hearing the mumbo jumbo surrounding parenting. It’s like politics, and I know I’m not the only one who hates loathes discussing politics with folks. It seems that there is no happy medium, there’s no agree to disagree.

And it’s driving me insane.

Stop fussing at women who are just trying to be good mamas.

First off, I guess I should explain what sparked this post. I recently seen an article shared across Facebook titled “Five Reasons You Should Stop Saying ‘Good Job'”. Said article goes on to talk about how praising your children can negatively effect them. How you’re creating children who only want to please you and who are constantly looking for your approval. Essentially, saying ‘good job’ is for YOUR own benefit and your children are now becoming unhappy, underachievers, who are unmotivated to do much on THEIR own. (that’s a bunch of “un”s)

 

I.can’t.handle.it.

First off, when did people become so unstable? How did we get to be so soft and manipulative that we can’t be spoken to in a general sense? Who made you greater than God to determine the RIGHT ‘way’? When no two people are the same, how do you put a generalization on society?

 

I tell my kids ‘good job’ multiple times per day, every day. I want my children to know that they’ve done something worth praising, even if it is as little as not making a mess or sharing. Sometimes I expound, and sometimes I don’t. And contrary to the article, I don’t feel one bit bad about it. I’ve watched the excitement in my daughters eyes when she accomplishes a task and receives a hearty “Good Job!”. I’ve watched her praise her younger brother too and seen his excitement when he recognizes her loving attention.

 

I want to be a good mama, and I my children to look up to me as a good, and Godly, person. So, I think it’s a good thing to have my children seek to be the same way. If I’m to reprimand my children for bad ways, I should also praise them for good ones. And whether those few words have become an ‘overused’ term, or not, please don’t tell a mama to not use her positive reaction to her child’s good behavior.

 

Not that long ago I was in a natural-living group where women was bashing each other over circumcision. Another time, ladies where fighting over breastfeeding. I’ve watched the slurs fly over babywearing. Vaccinations? Oh the stories I could tell. The screaming wars I’ve witnessed over simple opinions on discipline, schooling, food choices are ridiculous.

I’m so embarrassed for you.

 

I can’t tell you the dirty looks I receive when people find out that I spank my children- for some of you, it’s probably the same disgusted, awe-filled, look that you’re glaring at the computer with right now.

I’ll also admit that I was spanked as I child and look, I turned out just fine.

 

Guys, we’ve all got our beliefs. I guarantee that most of you believe differently than I do on most issues. But we can be passionate and be respectful. We can voice our opinion without anger.

 

But we can also learn that sometimes your opinion is just that, your opinion.

 

Remember that old saying, opinions are like armpits? Well, take a good whiff of yours. Because no matter how good it smells to you, someone, somewhere, is gonna consider it pretty darn rank.

 

So unless someone asks, keep your opinion to yourself. And  if they do ask, remember that they (and you) are just human and we all have feelings. If I ask a question, I obviously need help, I’m valuing your experience. So stop making people feel inferior for choosing a path that is different than yours. Even if you might think it wrong, who are you to forcefully interject your opinion.

 

I spank my children on occasion, but I have friends that prefer positive reinforcement. I breastfeed, but some of my friends chose not to. I liked cloth-diapering, some of my friends think it’s disgusting. I’m a stay-at-home mom and some of my friends choose to work. I’m gonna homeschool, some of my friends would never think of doing anything but public school.

But these women are no less mothers than I am for choosing a different path for their children.

 

So who am I to belittle other mamas because of my personal feelings, who are just trying their best too.

 

I fail sometimes, and I surely don’t know everything, but nobody likes their nose rubbed in it. We put enough pressure on mamas, please don’t make her feel worse about it.

 

So next time a mama asks about a question about an issue you’re passionate about, say hi. Tell her you’ve been there, tell her you know how overwhelming it can be with all the information out there and the people bombarding her. Let her know your choices and explain why without force. Then urge her to do her own research and make the best decision she can based upon the information she’s received. Don’t be pushy.

Love a mama, make some friends.

This Post Has 9 Comments

  1. This this this!!! If only everyone would read this, it would be great. People are different and guess what, that’s okay! You have said this so well with this post.

  2. I agree with you. Being Asian, i was almost never praised by my parents throughout my life. Even when i had excellent academic results in school and graduated amongst the top few of my class for most years. Even my grandmum praised me for my achievements/looks/whatever, my mum would step in and told my grandmum not to praise me. I do not know but i was looking for affirmation from others (people who do not care about me at all) all the time when i was all grown-up. It would suffice for my parents to say, “Daughter, well done.” But well, up til now, i have not heard that. Guess i would not hear it EVER because Asian parents are brought up the same way by their own parents and they would not know how to behave differently. I have been a Christian for 18 years now and would definitely affirm my kids when the time comes.

  3. I agree with you all the way also. And more importantly, you are following God’ s directive to raise your child in a Godly home, stick up for what is right according to the wisdom God gives you, and not fall into the trappings of this world. May God bless you richly for your resolve!

  4. You’ve got a new follower out of this SAHM. Love your whit and honesty!

  5. Hi! I just stumbled on your post. This is good wisdom, you post. My wife and I have four young children. At baby showers, when asked for baby-advice, my wife always tells the parents-to-be, ” Listen to all the advice, and then do whatever works for you and the baby.” Some things work for one baby /family, and then not for the next. We’ve had four, and they’re all different. And we have to assume every parent is trying their best, and hey, we might not agree, but unless it is something dangerous, then what difference does it make?

  6. really enjoyed reading this and AGREE 100%
    great post.

    1. Thanks so much Tamanna! I was really worried about the response I’d receive. Sometimes being vulnerable is hard!

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