A few months ago, there was a blog post floating around about the kind of women that Christian men want. You probably saw it. It wasn’t just around the Christian circle, but it was really pretty widespread.
If I’m being honest, I have to say that I don’t necessarily disagree with the writer of the post. In a way, I think she was trying to be an encouragement to young women who are trying to pursue a life in Christ. But, before you start throwing stones, let me explain- hear me out on this.
Look, I’m one of the first to say that God does care about the outside. He cares about our decisions. He cares about our finances, and He cares about the things we surround ourselves with. So, I agree that we should outwardly portray an inward Christ.
But, I think the author’s message was misrepresented in her over-concern of outward standards, a lack of Biblical backing or explanation for these standards, and the fact that not everyone who comes to Christ looks the same. As Christians, we must be able to back our claims with the Bible.
I really think she was trying to say that Christian men are looking for someone who keeps their lives pure in the sight of God. Those who haven’t defiled themselves, both spiritually, emotionally, and physically, and keeps to Biblical standards of womanhood. Even though there were some outlandish things there.
Still, the wording of the post made it hard to swallow, and even harder to win over those who didn’t quite fit the mold. Because you see, there are women who have pasts. Women who may not “look” the part from the outside, sometimes even still struggling on the inside. Yet, who have come to know Christ through His marvelous grace and His unending mercy.
Because God doesn’t just see those who haven’t made mistakes, even big ones. But He sees the sincere heart.
Reading the post, my heart ached for the new-convert who didn’t fit this standard and what damage it may have done in reaching them. I yearned to just hug her and say look, I see you. God sees you. He has a plan. You are made new in Christ and your past is now your testimony of where God brought you from.
We cannot change our pasts. We cannot change some of the decisions that we made. But we can change our futures, and we can make better decisions. God begins the work on the inside, and then it portrays on the outside. We must examine the hearts of the believer before we can understand what we physically see.
So, yes, I do think that Christian men are looking for women who are pure of heart and sincere with God. Some of them are even looking for women who fit that part both inside and out. But some, just like God, overlook the “ugliness” of our past sin and bad decisions to see the future that God has crafted for us. Leaving those old things behind, and pressing toward the mark.
BUT, and this is a big one- we have to stop thinking about what MAN wants. Fleshly desires have continually got us into trouble. Time and time again we have failed God because we are trying to please this man. At this point, there is only one option that we need to consider.
What kind of woman does God want?
We have imagined this way that we need to be and are trying to appease man’s flesh by following a list of standards and seeking that we fit this mold for our perfect mate. As if our outward appearance, emotional baggage, and financial status is the only thing that is going to attract a good man.
Take this as a warning, if you are a true Christian, it doesn’t matter what kind of man you are interested in- if He can’t understand that you have a past that has been covered by the blood of Jesus Christ, he’s not for you. If your past (inward or outward sin) is a dealbreaker, then this is not the mate God has for you.
We’re still left asking ourselves, what kind of woman does God want?
He wants a woman with a sincereness toward Him. He wants a woman that will love Him with their whole heart, body, mind, and spirit. He wants a woman that will stand for Him, even if it means being a martyr. He wants a woman that He can properly equip to be a beacon of light to the lost.
What kind of woman does God want? One who is following His voice, His leading, and His direction. A woman who is willing to set aside her own desires, to pursue His.
What kind of woman does God want? One who is continually available to Him. A woman who is able to be molded into the image of The Son.
What kind of woman does God want? One who is a hard worker and dedicated to His calling. One who will forsake all others in efforts to give her life in the gain of His.
Think about Hosea. Here, God’s perfect love story was between a pure man who loved God and a harlot who wallowed in her sin. Hosea, just like God, loved her beyond her faults. Hosea, just like God, didn’t let her past dictate the future he saw with her. Hosea, just like God, proved his love for her was unconditional.
The Lord doesn’t want a perfect woman, because there isn’t one. He wants you, the way you are in your mess and in your struggle- in your obedience and in your willingness. He wants you to give your everything to him so that He can be everything to you. There is no sin that the blood of Jesus cannot cleanse.
We must stop looking to attract a mate, and start looking at what God’s plan is for our lives. When we put God first, all good things will follow. If you are actively pursuing God’s will, and a mate is what you desire, then the Bible tells us that He will give us the desire’s of our hearts (Psalms 37:4.)
And, in turn, you know what will attract the man that God has for you? A woman with a humble heart and caring spirit. A woman that is sharing the love of God to those in need. A woman that is giving the Lord free reign to work in her life. A woman who is equipped with the full armor of God, and bearing His fruit.
Sometimes we tend to forget that the plan of God isn’t always the same for everyone. Some of those gnarly sinners, some of those that literally wear the scars of sin, make some of the most beautiful Christians.
If the love of God covers a multitude of sins, shouldn’t we love like Him (1 Peter 4:8)? If He does not condemn, then who are we to? There is a standard of modesty, of holiness, and a pure and undefiled religion. We are to turn from our sin and live a full life modeled after the standard that Christ upheld
So, I’m not saying we shouldn’t try the Spirit, because we should judge the heart of the believer with a Godly standard. But, we should be able to extend grace to those who have a different salvation experience, just as the Lord did to us.
God just wants you, in your fullness- and so should your mate.
There are so many scriptures in the Bible that tell us how to walk in Christ’s will. These are some good scriptures to reference when thinking about the kind of woman that God is looking for and can use:
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